Useful Ways of Looking

Useful Ways of Looking is a series on concepts I often reference. You could think of them as mental models, or primitives, or keys, or, well, Ways of Looking. You probably landed here because I referenced one and sent you this link for further explanation!

The Useful Ways of Looking are not necessarily true, but they are — as the name suggests — often useful. Finding where to skillfully apply them is part of the job.

In brief

If you identify as “trying to achieve an outcome” — perhaps “trying to make money,” “trying to get in shape,” or “being on the spiritual path” — you may be condemning yourself to permanently remaining in the “Trying” state rather than achieving the allegedly-desired outcome. You’re better off identifying with the inputs than the outcome, such as daily work on commercial endeavors, exercising daily and eating intentionally, or committing to a spiritual practice.

More context

Four pointers at the same idea, from different sources:

Systemantics: How Systems Work and Especially How They Fail by John Gall:

The parent who urges a sleepless child to “try harder” to get to sleep may fail to realize that “trying harder” makes getting to sleep more difficult, not easier. At this point one has created a small System called “trying to get to sleep” in which the functioning of the System (i.e., trying, etc.) produces wakefulness, not sleep.

“Smile” vs. “Poop!” by Guy/Rivalvoices:

Look at the picture above. Now back to me. On the left the kid is doing a cringe-like attempt at smiling. In the second one, he’s smiling. The dad, who’s taking the picture, wanted him to smile. His first instruction—a direct instruction [(“Smile!”)]—failed to generate the mental image that would lead to the outcome desired. The second [(“Poop!”)] succeeded. Maybe this is why Zen masters use sticks.

… the point is this: the kid can smile. But he can’t smile on command. Upon hearing “Smile” he tries to smile. And he succeeds at that: the pictures are great because they’re both pictures of success: the first the success of the kid—at Trying—, the second the success of the father—at translating. “Poop!”

…

people read “don’t try to be happy” and mishear it as DON’T try to be happy. But what Nick is saying [editor’s note: referencing this tweet] is don’t Try To Be Happy.

Identity-Based Habits by James Clear:

To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. You need to build identity-based habits.

Imagine how we typically set goals. We might start by saying “I want to lose weight” or “I want to get stronger.” If you’re lucky, someone might say, “That’s great, but you should be more specific.”

So then you say, “I want to lose 20 pounds” or “I want to squat 300 pounds.”

These goals are centered around outcomes, not identity.

…

Want to lose weight?

Identity: Become the type of person who moves more every day.

…

Want to become a better writer?

Identity: Become the type of person who writes 1,000 words every day.

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams:

A goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it’s a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal.

…

Goal-oriented people exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out. Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do.

The core idea here is that “Trying” strongly implies that you have not yet achieved the (allegedly) desired outcome. And so if you commit to Trying and identify with the same, you are effectively — and unknowingly — committing yourself to a state where you have not yet achieved the outcome!

In Gall’s terms, you have created a System in which rather than achieving the stated goal, the System works very hard to achieve its opposite. His book is full of useful Systemantics Axioms, but three particularly relevant ones to this matter include:

  1. Systems in general work poorly or not at all.
  2. Complex Systems tend to oppose their own proper function.
  3. The System itself does not do what it says it is doing.

This is, of course, all tied in to Ways of Looking — if you adopt a Way of looking at the world that implicitly includes the idea that you do not have what you want… it will very likely remain that way.

I’m not saying “never make an effort.” I’m pointing at a particular identity and system: capital-T Trying, as in “I am Trying to [something].” That’s different from Just Doing The Thing (or its inputs).

So: what is the way out? As ever, simply choosing a different — and more useful — Way of Looking. Think consciously about your objective. Then, rather than identifying with “Trying to achieve it,” think about what inputs would get you closer to that objective.

Then, simply identify with the Doing of The Inputs rather than the Trying to Achieve. If you’re someone who works out every day and eats clean, you will get in shape. If you do your spiritual practice every day, you will progress. Beware identifying with Being On The Path!

If you just keep clenchingly, painfully Trying to achieve those outcomes, you’ll have a much harder time (and it will be less pleasant).

I shared some other sources around the same idea in Assorted excerpts on the malleability of “reality”, but two particularly relevant ones from great authors:

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”

– Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

You want to know how to paint a perfect painting? It’s easy. Make yourself perfect and then just paint naturally. That’s the way all the experts do it. The making of a painting or the fixing of a motorcycle isn’t separate from the rest of your existence.

– Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

A final word of caution: sometimes, what you think your goal is actually isn’t your goal — and you have built a System around the hidden desire, and told yourself a story that justifies it.

Expressed tightly:

Think of a child who doesn’t get “enough” attention from their parents. They may tell themselves a story that misbehaving is fun, even if it means they have to deal with the “pain” of sometimes getting in trouble. But really, perhaps what is going on is that they have unknowingly created an effective system for getting attention.

From The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga:

In any case, whether it is one’s studies or one’s participation in sports, either way one needs to make a constant effort if one is to produce any kind of significant results. But the children who try to be especially bad—that is to say, the ones who engage in problem behavior—are endeavoring to attract the attention of other people even as they continue to avoid any such healthy effort. In Adlerian psychology, this is referred to as the “pursuit of easy superiority.” Take, for example, the problem child who disrupts lessons by throwing erasers or speaking in a loud voice. He is certain to get the attention of his friends and teachers. Even if it is something that is limited to that place, he will probably succeed in becoming a special being.

So, introspect before picking your goal. Focusing on inputs over outcomes works, but sometimes, even when it does, you don’t get what you really wanted, deep down. See: the common pattern of successfully managing to make lots of money and then realizing “huh, I guess what I really wanted was fulfillment, and this didn’t really help.”

Sometimes what people actually want — and I say this without judgement — is to be a Noble Struggler, or a Spiritual Seeker, or a Notably Hard Worker, even if they say (and think!) they want a different outcome (their problems solved; peace and equanimity; material success).

If this is you, then perhaps consider whether — before you decide your next actions — you want to change this underlying desire or not. You may need to do that first. (Or you can leave it!)

Further readings

Systemantics: How Systems Work and Especially How They Fail by John Gall, as well as broader writings from the Systems thinking universe — e.g. Paul Batalden, Stafford Beer (who coined the famous phrase The purpose of a system is what it does)

“Smile” vs. “Poop!” by Guy/Rivalvoices

Identity-Based Habits by James Clear and his book Atomic Habits overall

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams

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